Kung Pao Oyster Mushrooms

Stir fry:

- 1/2 onion sliced in strips (not rings)

- red or yellow sweet pepper, in bite size pieces

- 6 small or 4 large King oyster mushroom stems, quartered and sliced

- 1/2 block extra firm Chinese tofu (the really chewy kind, only available at Chinese groceries, see photo), sliced into little squares

- 1/2 c dry roasted peanuts

- 2 cloves crushed garlic

- about 1 tbsp shredded ginger

+ braise mushrooms in a little soy sauce until tender, remove,

+ stir fry onions and peppers with ginger and garlic; once cooked add 2 tsp water to pan and steam for a few seconds

+ when water is evaporated add mushrooms, tofu and peanuts and warm through; reduce heat

Sauce:

(usual Chinese stuff, really)

- 1/4 c soy sauce

- 1/4 c broth

- 2 tbsp vinegar (pref Chinese black or rice vinegar)

- 2 tbsp cooking sherry

- 1 tbsp brown sugar or maple syrup

- 1 tbsp hoisin sauce

- 1 tsp Chinese sesame oil

+ mix well and sift in

2 tsp cornstarch or arrowroot powder

+ add sauce to stir fry and stir to coat

+ add to taste

- Chinese 5 spice blend (go easy, very strong flavour)

- black pepper

- hot pepper powder, preferably Szechuan pepper

- ancho powder or paprika for colour

- smoked paprika

- any of the sauce ingredients

+ serve with cooked rice, preferably short grain brown rice

Mushroom Potato and Spinach Taco

 

This was a very successful experiment, loosely based on this recipe from Dora's Table https://www.facebook.com/drstable/posts/3587154494685706?__tn__=R*F

I used potato instead of posole. For the crema I just used cashew cream and lime, and mixed it in with the filling. Judging from colour I used a lot more chiles per peanut putter than Dora. and I garnished with toasted pepitas (pumpkin seeds) and El Gallo habanero salsa.

Quite easy. Will do again. Have lots of peanut chili mole left over.

Lime, mushrooms, spinach and potato go together very nicely.

Mock Chicken Tinga

 

Basically, a chunky tomato sauce you might put on pasta, plus to taste, Mexican oregano and pureed canned chipotle en adobo.

(Not hard to find in Canada; Metro carries it. I think Loblaw has it too.)

Add mock chicken soy nuggets from Whole Foods near the end of cooking so as not to make them too soggy. 

 

You could use cooked chicken as a substitute for mock chicken if you like. 

 

Very easy, and if you don't mind some hot pepper, very tasty.

 

Garnish, as you see, with the traditional Mex-Mex garnishes of cilantro, onion and lime. I'm not sure about the avocado; would leave it out next time. If you don't have good tortillas handy, would work over rice.

Extra hot sauce to taste, Valentina worked well. And we added mango salsa as well. There's an odd belief, the further you get from Mexico, that Mexican food is chock-a-block with black olives. But this is a rare Mexican dish that works well with black olives.

 

Irene's Fruit Nog

 

2 slices grilled pineapple 

1 large banana 

1 cup mango

2 tbsp frozen orange juice concentrate. 

 

(Frozen is good on any or all of the ingredients)

Add all to blender, add unsweetened plant milk to almost cover, blend. 

 

Add rum and nutmeg to taste.

 

Looks a lot like and tastes a bit like egg nog.

Irene's Virtuous Cobbler

No butter, no sugar, delicious!

Fill 8x8 nonstick pan about 2/3 with fruits suitable for a tart pie. This one is apples and mangos.

Heat in saucepan 1c water, 8 chopped pitted dates, 1/4 c raisins, juice of a lemon, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 tsp each cloves & nutmeg, pinch cardamom, 2 tbsp frozen OJ concentrate; heat to blend. Add 1/2c rolled oats. Pour liquid over fruit and mix well.

Bake at 350F for ~ 1 hr until fruit is soft. Sprinkle with pan-toasted blend of rolled oats, walnuts& shredded coconut.

Cold Day Vegan Hot and Sour Soup

It is hard to get your greens in winter in a cold country. Here's a delicious recipe to help.

  




All essential ingredients easy to find in rural North America in winter. Substitutes listed.

Basically, cook mushrooms until firm, throw everything in Instant Pot, when ready season to taste.

The idea is to eat your spinach, and the main strategy is vinegar and hot pepper.

Thanks to Karen Jennings' influence, I actually measured this time

COLD DAY HOT AND SOUR SOUP

 6 c broth
1/4 cabbage shredded
1/2 lb (225 g) mushrooms, regular or crimini
    sliced, sauteed in a little oil or soy sauce until firm and dry
      (to speed up mushroom prep: drain juices partway through cooking
            goal is to get them dry)
2 large carrots or half a huge one, shredded
300 g (about 10 oz) package frozen spinach, thawed
1/2 block tofu, cubed in approx 1 cm dice
    (Soyarie brand "firm" or "herb" preferred hereabouts, Farm Boy has it among others)
2 tbsp miso or 1 tbsp Better than Bouillon or 1 bouillon cube
1 tsp Sriracha (Rooster Brand or close facsimile) (subst 1/4 tsp tabasco plus 1 tsp sugar)
1/4 c rice vinegar (or subs plain vinegar)
1 c frozen corn
1 tsp finely shredded or tube ginger (if avail) (don't substitute powdered ginger in my opinion)

cook all (except miso if using) in Instant Pot (no keep warm, no quick release) 20 min.

After cooking stir in miso if using. Season to taste with black pepper, cayenne, turmeric, more vinegar. Add other chinese-friendly spices if inclined. Small amounts of sweetener can help, but avoid making a candy soup! Can thicken with corn starch if you're inclined.

Tip: I use Better Than Bouillon Vegetarian Beef if I can find it. There is also a Vegetarian Chicken . These are delicious but hard to find! Available in Canada by web order from well.ca . In America some of the larger grocery chains usually have it: Central Market in Texas, Woodman's in Wisconsin, are the examples I know.

Serving suggestion: Serve hot. For a special treat, sprinkle with sesame seeds, chopped scallions, and if you can find it, a little sesame oil.

King Mushroom Taco filling

A nice substitute if you're craving chicken.
====

A sweet onion, peeled and chopped
A head of garlic if you dare, peeled and mashed in a garlic press
    (2 or 3 cloves for the less garlic-minded)
4 or 5 large king oyster mushrooms (available at Chinese groceries)
2 zucchini
3 or 4 mild or slightly hot peppers (Anaheim, Hatch, poblano, even bell)
     roasted, peeled, and seeded

1 tsp chipotle en adobo, mashed
1/4 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp allspice

2 tbsp pumpkin seed (pepita) butter or finely ground pepitas
(Canadians: pumpkin seed butter is available at Bulk Barn in bulk for some reason!)

1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp canola or olive oil

===
EITHER
4 tsp salt-free store-bought chili powder

OR
1/2 tsp cumin
1 tbsp ancho chile powder mild chile powder blend
dash oregano (mexican if available) or Italian herb blend
===

2 cubes mock chicken bouillon or (preferably) 2 tsp Better than Bouillon No-Chicken

cilantro for garnish

==============

Heat oil on high; when quite hot add onions, garlic, chile powder and salt. Stir constantly until chili powder and salt are evenly coating onions. Turn down the heat to medium, and slow-sautee the onions until soft. (Soffrito style if you're Italian.)

Meanwhile slice the zucchini and mushrooms into thin half-disks. A mandoline slicer helps to make these thin and even.

When the onions are starting to get soft and sweet, add the mushrooms and zucchini. Stir. If you're not being too careful about salt, after the onions are coated with oil, a couple of dashes of soy sauce really help the mushrooms' flavour. Continue to slow-cook, stirring occasionally, until the mushrooms are cooked and the zucchini is getting translucent.

Clear a bit of the bottom of the pan, add 1/4 cup of broth or water and dissolve the bouillon into it. Add the other ingredients. Stir and cook another 10 minutes to blend flavours.

===

TACOS

Add the mix to a corn tortilla. Garnish with vegan sour cream, marinated red onions, avocado slices, and pickled red onion. Add habanero salsa if you dare. Makes a spectacular taco.

===

MOCK CHICKEN VERSION

You may wish to substitute mock chicken for the mushrooms or add mock chicken in addition to the mushrooms. In my experience, cooking mock chicken in a moist mixture (at least the kinds of mock chicken available in Canada) ruins the texture, so if you are doing that, sautee it in a separate small pan without any liquid just to heat through.

===

TOMATILLOS

I really liked this version. In the past I have done similar dishes with some salsa verde or tomatillos, but I'm not sure about that anymore. Consider just bottled salsa verde as a condiment. If you like that, you can add tomatillos next time.

Red Lentil Carrot Soup

I was planning the usual red lentil and lemon soup, but my hostess asked me to use a few pounds of carrots. So the lemon is out, and this is what I came up with:

Carrot red lentil soup

3 or 4 lb carrots

2 large onions

5 cloves garlic

oil for sauteeing

Better than Bouillon No Chicken or other mock chicken bouillon

fresh ginger

fresh thyme

turmeric

cumin

black pepper

salt

Cut 3 or 4 lb peeled carrots into 2 or 3 inch pieces, and boil until soft enough to mash. (Keep the boiling water and remove carrots with slotted spoon)

Meanwhile slow sautee to lightly brown 2 large onions, finely chopped, with 5 cloves pressed garlic, a little salt, and 1/2 tsp turmeric, in as little oil as you can manage.

Peel and chop ginger, about 1 tbsp.

When the carrots are out of the water, add red lentils to the water and bring back to boiling. Lentils to water ratio about 1:4. Add the ginger. Add about 1 tbsp Better than Bouillon No Chicken base or other mock chicken flavour.

Coarsely mash the carrots with a potato masher.

When lentils are soft add onions and carrots. Add 1/2 tsp cumin and 1/2 tsp ground black pepper, or more, to taste. Add about 1 tsp fresh thyme. Cook to blend flavours.

---

Makes a metric ton or so. Lots anyway, Freeze some.

Serve over grain or pasta. Quite nice.

Vegan Blackeyed Peas, Sweet Potato and Chard Gumbo

BLACKEYED PEAS, SWEET POTATO AND CHARD GUMBO WITH POLENTA

This is sort of Italian and sort of Cajun, dramatically simplified from a recipe I got online. Didn't know if I could find blackeyed peas in Ottawa, but Bulk Barn has 'em.

1 medium onion
4 cups greens, preferably swiss chard, chopped
2 cups carrots, peeled & diced, steamed or boiled until soft
1 medium sweet potato, peeled & diced, steamed or boiled until soft
2 cups blackeyed peas, cooked
2 cloves garlic
1/2 tsp salt

~ 1 tbsp olive oil
~ 3 tbs Alessi fig vinegar, or other fine vinegar
~ 1/2 tsp dried sage
~ 1 1/2 tsp Italian herb blend or mix basil, thyme & rosemary
~ 1/2 tsp cumin
~ 1/2 tsp coriander
~ 1/4 tsp cayenne

Sautee onion slowly with salt at medium heat in as little oil as you can. When it's starting to be translucent, add chopped chard and garlic, pressed or finely chopped. Continue to cook at moderate heat until yummy. Add backeyed peas carrots and sweet potato, and heat through. Add herbs, spices, vinegar to taste, amounts suggested above. Add about 1 1/2 cups water and simmer 15 minutes to blend flavours.

Original recipe called for maple syrup, but I found sweetener excessive & left it out; carrots & sweet potatoes are sweet enough.

Serve over polenta or grits. <-- IMPORTANT

Pineapple Tofu "Al Pastor"

Based on a Guero's pork al pastor recipe published in "Nuevo Tex-Mex"

Pork al pastor is a richly flavored pork stew. I am sure mexican shepherds didn't have much pineapple, but in my experience in Texas, it is always served with pineapple.

In this recipe, I mixed the pineapple in, and added miso and smoked paprika to move the recipe into a meaty direction.

Warning, steps 1, 2, 3 and 4 are time consuming. I offer workarounds for steps 1 and 2, and you can cut corners on 3, but step 4 is, well, the whole idea really. But actually, if you do it right, you can work on all four of these steps at the same time. I found myself very busy for about an hour with this recipe, but the first time you do it, it may take longer!

INGREDIENTS

1 lb extra firm tofu diced in 1/2" cubes or similar
1/2 pineapple
1 medium to large onion
1 large bell pepper or 2 small
optional: 1 zucchini, halved the long way & sliced thin

Sauce:

3 dried guajillo chiles or 2 extra tbsp ancho chile powder

2 tsp canola oil
1 tbsp ancho chile powder
1 cup fresh orange juice
1 tbsp cider vinegar or rice vinegar
2 tbsp miso (I used barley miso)
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp oregano (pref Mexican oregano)
1 tbsp Better Than Bouillon Mock chicken, or a vegan mock chicken bouillon cube
6 cloves garlic
2 tbsp achiote paste (available at Mexican groceries)

1 tsp soy sauce or vegan worcestershire or similar

WHAT TO DO

1) Prepare the dried chiles if using:
    pan roast on high heat for about 1 minute per side until color changes, but not burned
    soak in hot water at least 20 minutes

2) Roast the fresh peppers (if roasting, else see 3 below):
    broil on high for 8 minutes, top up if you can balance them
    rotate, repeat for 8 minutes 2 or 3 more times until skin blisters everywhere
    place in large bowl, cover, let cool

3) sautee onions
   heat 1 tsp oil on medium high
   chop onions fairly fine
   drop an onion bit in oil when it is hot, should sizzle but not splatter
   add onions
   add 1 tbsp ancho chile powder
   stir until red color is evenly distribute
   turn heat to medium low, occasionally
   add peppers chopped if not roasted
   peel and press the garlic and add to the onions
   if you roasted the peppers, when cool enough to handle, peel, seed & chop and add
   if using zucchini add thin sliced zucchini
   slow cook until vegs are soft and a bit sweet

4) grill pineapple
   Take a half pineapple, cut off the rind. Quarter through the core. Remove core.
   Pull out remaining bits of fiber with a potato peeler or a grapefruit spoon.
   If you have a grill, slice the pineapple into thin slices and grill a few minutes on a side.
   If you are pan-grilling, lightly oil a wok, chop pineapple fine
        stir-fry on high heat
  Cook until lightly browned in some spots.

5) make sauce
   in blender, add orange juice, vinegar, miso, achiote, bouillion, spices, and chile powder if using
       blend briefly

   if using dried chiles, rinse, tear open, discard seeds & step, & tear into a few pieces, add to blender
       then puree on high setting about 1 minute. run sauce through fine sieve to catch the dry bits

 6) remove pineapples from wok
   add 1/4 c water & heat pan to deglaze
   when water is boiled off & a little syrup remains, add 1 tsp canola oil
   add tofu, 1 tbsp ancho chile powder, soy sauce & cook on high heat until heated through.
   add all other ingredients & cook sauce down a bit until it thickens

Ideally serve on warmed corn tortillas with chopped red onion & fresh cilantro, but also nice on a toothy whole grain rice.

Green mushrooms

MEXIVEGS

3 zucchini
2 yellow onions
8 roasted, peeled, seeded anaheim peppers
2 dried guajillo peppers
6 cloves garlic
some oil
ancho chili powder to taste
smoked paprika to taste
salt & pepper to taste

pan roast guajillos & soak in hot water 20 minutes
then remove seeds & stems, & scrape pulp from interiors

chop remaining vegetables &sautee
add spices

===

GREEN SAUCE BASE

1 1/2 cups cashews
10 tomatillos

soak cashews at least 1 hour, drain
peel, wash tomatillos, boil until soft about 10 minutes, drain

put all in blender & puree

==

MUSHROOMS

1 lb mushrooms
1 tbsp soy sauce
some oil

stir fry mushrooms until starting to soften
add soy sauce, sautee a little longer

==

combine about 1 c mexi-vegs, 1 c sauce base, all mushrooms, adding fresh thyme
heat the whole thing up

yum.

Vegan Cauliflower Cabbage Carrot Corn Colcannon

Cauliflower
Carrot
Cabbage
Can of Corn - drained & pureed

some roast garlic
some raw cashew butter
some nutritional yeast
a bit veggie Better Than Bouillon
lots of fresh black pepper

Shred & steam fresh veggies but leave some tooth
microwave creamed corn

stir together, over medium heat

add flavoring ingredients until it tastes good

===

This idea is vaguely Irish, as if I knew anything about that, inspired by a cauliflower colcannon at Whole Foods around St Patty's day.

I suppose you could add some boiled potato if you were inclined toward authenticity, but it does not start with the letter "C".

The main idea is that the creamed corn substitutes nicely for the traditional dairy cream.

Linda's amazing Fake Bacon

Shredded raw coconut

marinade:
 2 T liquid smoke
 1 T soy sauce
 1 T maple syrup
 1 T water
 1 tsp smoked paprika

marinate
Bake 325 F 20 min, turning frequently

better than bacon!

Nobel Prize Winning Latkes

What, there's no Nobel in Latkes? Well there should be.

These were extremely successful.

These are amazing hot.

Even a bit stale at a potluck they were appreciated.
==

INGREDIENTS

Two sweet potatoes
About the same amount of waxy (red or Yukon gold) potatoes
A half a beet
A medium sized peeled yellow onion
2 Tbsp ground flax seed (or 2 beaten eggs)
Chick pea flour (maybe a cup?)
Better than bouillon Not-Chicken (or other bouillon concentrate) 1 tsp
Black pepper and salt to taste
Canola oil

===

MAKE THE BATTER

Peel and coarsely grate sweet potatoes. Microwave for about 5 minutes until almost cooked.
Peel and coarsely grate beet. Microwave for about 2 minutes until almost cooked.
Let them cool a bit.

Corasely grate potatoes (not necessary to peel)
Drain potatoes in colander, squeezing out excess moisture.

Peel onion and grate on finest side of box grater.  This is quite tedious.
You should get a sort of oniony slush. Drain as much onion juice as you can from the slush in a fine-grain sieve.

(Running the onion through a food processor is less satisfactory but much easier. You will get a stronger onion flavor as the juice won't separate. You may want to use less, maybe half an onion.)

If not using eggs:
  Bring 1/2 cup water to a vigorous boil in small pot. Reduce heat.
  Add flax, and bring back to a slow boil.
  Whisk vigorously for about 2 minutes, to form a sticky substance.

Combine root vegetables and onion in large mixing bowl.
Add chick pea flour until the vegetables clump together. I think about a cup.

Add seasonings and flax or eggs and mix thoroughly.

==

FRY EM UP

The hard part is getting the oil to the right temperature.

Pour oil into a large, good, smooth or non-stick pan to cover bottom to at least 1/4 inch. If you don't have a good pan, don't bother trying this.
Heat oil, medium hot.
Put a small amount of test batter in oil. It should sizzle but not spatter. If it doesn't sizzle you'll get a greasy mess. It it spatters you'll get a coal lump before the pancake cooks through.
When you think the oil is the right temperature, make a test latke.

Drop about 2 tbsp of batter into the oil. Be careful - if oil is too hot this can be dangerous - keep your face a good distance from pan.
Flatten batter to thickness of about 1/2 inch. Ideally half the latke is in the oil and half not.
Wait until the edges are quite dark, and flip. Ideally do not flip a latke more than once. (I am not sure but I think about 4 minutes for one side, 3 for the other.)

Do NOT flip the latke before pushing on one side of the latke with the spatula loosens the whole bottom and moves the entire latke. If it just squishes a bit, it is too soon to flip. Once it doesn't squish but slides, you still want to give it about a minute. Flip.

The outside of the latke should be mottled dark brown and crispy. If it is soggy, your oil is too cool or you flipped too soon. If it is black, your oil is too hot or you cooked too long.

Wait a couple of minutes and taste. Decide if it is delicious.

Is it delicious? Make a batch of 4 or 5 in your pan.

Is it not delicious? Adjust your strategy and try again with a single latke.

These things are greasy, so they absorb some oil. As you make batches, adding oil and getting it up to the right temperature is something you will get to practice.

===

QUANTITY

This recipe makes a whole lot of latkes.

Serve with sour cream or vegan sour cream. Have some applesauce on hand for random goyim that think that is how to serve potato pancakes.

Note: latkes can be vegan but they cannot be health food. Also, let's face it, they are worth it, but a lot of trouble. Once a year, please.

FIghting Fire with Fire

Radical intolerant Islam is not the same thing as Islam, in just the same way as radical intolerant Christianity is not Christianity.

The battle is between terrorism and tolerance, between violence and peace, within each culture. It's amazingly symmetrical between Christians and Muslims, where the most dangerous people pick a few passages out of an ancient book and represent them as key to their holy war.

As someone without roots in either Christianity or Islam living in Texas, guess which bunch of extremists I find myself more afraid of on a day to day basis?

Angry people who take ancient books too seriously are dangerous. That's surely true. But it really doesn't matter much which book they are worked up about.

The way to fight them is not by mistreating all their distant relatives just because of their culture and background.

My grandfather ended up in Hitler's gas chambers because of thinking like this. When you think of "Muslims" as the enemy you are no better than someone who thinks of "Jews'" or "Christians" as the enemy. All of us have good sensible people and terrible, evil people among us. The question is which tendency we want to celebrate.

When you buy into an enemy extremist's view of what their culture is about, you are doing them a huge favor. Is that really what you want?

The way to fight extreme intolerance is with extreme tolerance. "Fighting fire with fire" actually is not the strategy of most fire departments.

mt's vegan wheat-free low fat cornbread recipe

mt's vegan wheat-free low fat cornbread recipe
---------------------------------------------------------------

I'm very pleased with this recipe and now make it regularly.

0) prepare flax

grind golden flax seeds in coffee grinder to a fine powder

1) liquid ingredients

• bring 6 Tbsp water to a boil & reduce heat
• add 2 Tbsp ground flax, whisk for 2 or 3 minutes until a paste forms
• add 2 Cups unsweetened soy milk 
• add 2 tsp maple syrup
• whisk until roughly mixed (won't blend perfectly)

2) prep

• spray or lightly grease a 9" square glass casserole with oil 
• preheat oven to 450 F

3) dry ingredients

in mixing bowl combine thoroughly

• 1 1/3 Cups cornmeal

• 2/3 Cup oat flour

• 1 tsp baking powder

• 1 tsp baking soda

• 1/2 tsp salt

try to avoid lumps in oat flour

4) bake

• add liquids to dry
• pour into casserole
• bake for 23 minutes

NOTE: after 12 minutes baking, it's nice to spray oil over top surface - this prevents grittiness

5) don't eat yet

• let cool 5 minutes
• run a knife around edge of bread to separate from dish

6) eat warm
(or next day split horizontally & toasted in toaster-oven)

• adding Nature's Balance avocado butter is nice nut not so low fat
• or regular butter is not so bad but not so vegan
• if you're feeling indulgent, a little extra maple syrup or honey

7) don't keep more than a day or so without freezing

Spinning Tornados

Adopting Andrew Sullivan's methodology I point you to interesting stuff elsewhere.

There's a huge kerfuffle about attributing severe weather in Alabama to climate forcing. Kevin Trenberth and Peter Gleick come out strongly in favor of "this is the sort of thing"-ism.

Trenberth:

It is irresponsible not to mention climate change. … The environment in which all of these storms and the tornadoes are occurring has changed from human influences

David Appel, who gets far too little credit as a pioneer of climate blogging, is, perhaps surprisingly, appalled.

You don't have to look very far to disprove this -- in fact, you don't even have to look farther than the Drudge Report, which today links to this story:

TuscaloosaNews.com
5 P.M. UPDATE: Hundreds treated at DCH
"The loss of life is the greatest from an outbreak of U.S. tornadoes since April 1974, when 329 people were killed by a storm that swept across 13 Southern and Midwestern states."

When are activists going to learn that they will never make their case by falsifying the science, and that, in fact, they only harm their cause when they do so? You cannot draw conclusions about climate based on weather. You can only do it via long-term (decadal or more) statistics.

Please tattoo this on your foreheads, so you don't ruin this for those of us trying to communicate actual, real science, with all its inconvenient unknowns and uncertainties.

Judith Curry, who has many good links, is somewhat more predictably appalled.

I think that we are seeing another instance of excessive attention to "attribution" in a statistical sense. The climate is changing with increasing rapidity. Some of the changes will be anticipated, some not. We shouldn't presume that changes will be locally monotonic. They won't be. Under the circumstances, we'll get extraordinary runs of just-the-sort-of-awfulness-we-get-around-here in various places as the system wobbles about. I mean, what did you expect?

On that basis, +1 Trenberth
==
140

Almost Didn't Cut My Hair

Summer's basically here already, and long hair in Texas summer is something to avoid.

But that sort of motivates me not to bother cutting my hair in spring, knowing that I'll be chopping it all off in summer.

But I was tired of my wife's snooty hairdresser, and went into this new place, a chain popping up around town that has a sort of a funky Southwest, Freebirds burritos kind of a vibe if you know what I mean.

I was looking particularly gnarly, unshaven, scraggly, sandwich sauce on my shirt, when I walked in. I woke up with this headache. The haircut I had been longing for was the only useful thing I could think of to do with myself besides spilling a sandwich on me.

I took one look at the the tattooed young barberess and said "don't restrain yourself. Make me look like a Republican". She blinked for a second, then said "oh, sure, you want the Uptighty Whitey." I said I reckoned that I did, "The Uptighty Whitey is just exactly the thing" I allowed.

She said "I'll have you lookin' like Dan Quayle in no time," and I sort of shrugged. Haven't laid eyes on the fellow in years, but he was always kind of good looking that I remember. Unstressed fellow. Golfer. You know.

About three quarters of the way through it I allowed as how it was working. "I am trying to think of a small country to invade" I told her.

As a first timer I got a delicious shampoo, head massage, hot towel on the face and shoulder massage for free, normally $3 extra. Floyd's, the barber shop is called. But it's nothing like Mayberry. Good haircut too, for a UyWy. I recommend the place.

Southern Cogitation Words

Reckon: Think; "I reckon I've got me the fannest pickup in these parts"

Think: Believe; "I hardly think she'll be comin back here anytam soon"

Believe: Intend; "I believe I'll have me another one o themmair biscuits"

Crumpets and Tea

Your search - "crumpets and tea" "boys from lcc" - did not match any documents.

hrmph. What kind of internet is that? It's time somebody fixed that.

Crumpets and tea.
Crumpets and tea.
We are the boys from LCC.
We're not rough.
We're not tough.
But boy, are we sexy!

Used by opposing schools to taunt us, generally just before we obliterated them.